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February 2020
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On A Really Personal Note

Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if you didn’t have a father or never knew him? I know its the dream of some little girls to be daddy’s girls but that is not a dream I carry about. Maybe if I was 10, it would have been cool but I am old now, got wrinkles showing somewhere, it would be absurd to say I want to be daddy’s girl.

And so, I ask myself, what is it about generational gap that makes a father not get his daughter and vice versa, his daughter does not get him? It was only a few months ago that I wrote an article titled my father’s daughter. Truth be told, I was talking about myself in the piece though it was as relevant to anyone out there, I was also expressing the differences I see in my relationship with my father like I have observed in other people.

When I was a child, my dad could say what he wanted me to hear and my world was complete. But all of that changed when I became a teenager and saw things for myself.  So, I don’t take his word as the final say on things anymore. Right now, I don’t want to and I don’t think I will ever take his word as the final say on things anymore.

I am sure every father has their good side and not so great side but when it comes to the African sensibility of fatherhood, the drama is way too much for me to take in. Some forget that things have changed since their parents raised them and that our generation, we have a mind of our own and if you threaten to shut us up, we can cut you off.  I know they say one should honour their parents, so they don’t curse them because its best they bless you than curse you. Does that mean I become a robot, taking orders like a waiter at a restaurant and not speak back because the frigging customer knows best. For I tell you, daddy does not know best. In fact, he is so frigging wrong, I could really do something drastic. Told my mum this morning, I was on the verge of cutting off for good and she said that would not be wise. She is right. He may not be perfect but he has been good and has done a lot of good. But this drama, I am really tired of it.

I have heard a few people express their desire to marry a man like their father. Now, that sounds like they have the father syndrome but I do understand what they mean. They want a man who will be as good to them like their father has been. While my father has been good to me, that is not my prayer, has never been and will never be.

My aim was to keep this short for I am one of those who writes to get things out of my system. I am grateful I have a father. I am grateful he has contributed to my wellbeing in life thus far. I am grateful he stepped up to the plate in 1996 when it mattered because it made a difference to my being alive today and not just in the memory of my mother as the child she had but later died.  I am grateful that I have also learnt a lot from him about myself and men. I have come to the conclusion, men are different. But if there is one thing I am most grateful for, my father has taught me that you cannot change people but you can change how you feel about them. You can change how you respond and react when they do things you like or don’t like.

It has been a long journey but new beginnings are great when you know who and what you are about as a person. So, on a really personal note, I AM A GROWN WOMAN MR. LET ME BE.


3 Responses to “On A Really Personal Note”

  1. Bunmi says:

    Truer words have never been spoken! Saying that, I am daddy’s girl and still love mine to bits. He has his african fathers mentalities every now and again but like most fathers, including yours, I am sure, he has a great, well meaning heart. May they live long! And yes, though it’s harder for fathers to let go of their daughters, I hope they learn to leave us alone!!!

  2. Deborah says:

    …ehm…daddys will always be daddys!!! they only want the best for us, so they say!

  3. Belinda Otas says:

    @ Deborah, you can say that again 🙂

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